WHY AM I STILL SINGLE IN MY 30S


Modern and contemporary media is riddled with all sorts of 'advice' and 'insight' on why a man or woman in their 30s is still single or why being single at this age is either a wonderful opportunity to discover and fall in love with your real, authentic self or is the best thing ever for you. They give us lists of all the things we are able to do because we are single that we couldn't freely do if we were coupled up. The magazines try to convince us that we are so much more mature in our 30s and so therefore now know what exactly it is that we want from a romantic relationship. The bombardment of music video lyrics and images confuse us by telling us one minute how wonderful it feels to finally be in love with a real man/woman and the next minute telling us they don't need anyone because they are happy and busy doing 'them'. The movies are no better because there is always some type of love story intermixed within the plot no matter what genre of film it is. With all these conflicting messages, it's no wonder that regular folks like you and I are left confused about whether to feel glad to be single in our 30s or concerned that all our friends are getting married and starting families of their own while we remain yet unattached.




For some reason, being single has always predominantly been a concern of the female species either because we want to be able to have all our kids while still young and with one man or because we are feeling the pressure of being left behind while seeing our friends one by one successfully make the transition from bachelorettes to married women. This pressure is either that which we put on ourselves or that which society puts on us. More and more some of us find ourselves not wanting to admit that we are indeed lonely and even though we do not NEED  a man, it would certainly feel nice to have that special one in our lives that makes us feel all the usual butterflies we secretly want to feel.



It is necessary at this point to say that some women are "unmarried"and not "single" by choice and if indeed that is your preference, then I stand with you in support; not every woman wants to be married or have kids even and I know that for many African families, to say this is to have something seriously wrong with your brain, LOL. Many of us are fortunate to come from homes where we are not pressured into relationships or marriage but there are even more women who aren't so lucky. The pressure to be married comes from within and without; everyone and their cousin's mama has an opinion or some unwanted advice and it usually takes a strong woman to not be affected by it all.

I am not in a position to tell anyone what to do if they find themselves still single in their 30s or even dare to suggest that it is for this or that reason that you find yourself without a partner. What I do know is that man was not designed to be alone, if that were the case, God would have had no need o create Eve for Adam. Circumstances or experience perhaps has prompted many to make the choice to stay single and if that is what you have chosen as an adult then being around others who are in happy and thriving relationships should not bother you in any way. If however, you are single not as a result of choice, the answer is not to therefore put yourself in situations with men/women that do nothing for your heart, soul, dreams and goals.


I read a lot of heart breaking stories of women and young ladies who seem to have lost their sense of self worth and pride all for the purpose of being in a relationship; they fear being alone and lonely, failing to realize that they are whole by themselves. I see women do all this extra nonsense in a bid to attract a man's attention because they think their worth is based solely on how they look. Personally, I refuse to buy into this whole "slay queen" b.s because if that is all I have to do to get you, that means every other female can get you the exact same way. If you can't see past my bulging tummy and spotted skin then by all means look the other way. I will look good because I want to look good and not because I want your attention.

So my dear ladies and gentlemen, if you are single at the moment and you desire to find love, then let your hearts be open and willing to find and receive the kind of love you are deserving of but if singledom is your choice, please go ahead and enjoy your life to the fullest but don't be irritated  when I have to take the bigger hotel room with the bigger bed because it's meant for 2 and not 1 or pretend like you don't see when I put #couplegoals beside an Instagram picture of me and #bae..LOL

Thanks for being here, I appreciate it more than you kow

Love Always

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