If you're a woman, you have probably experienced one or both of these situations and you don't even have to be in your 30s to have known the pain of infidelity or the struggle of infertility. It wouldn't then be too far fetched to assume that both these scenarios are inter-connected because one (infertility) could necessarily cause the other (infidelity) in relationships and marriages.
Infertility can put such a strain on even the strongest of couples and if care is not taken, could certainly tear them apart if producing offspring does not seem to be forthcoming or is perhaps taking way longer than it should. Infertility is fairly common as about 15% of couples are unable to get pregnant after one year of unprotected sex (or 6 months if the woman is over 35 years). In about a third of the time, infertility can be traced to the woman, then in another third to the man and the rest of the time, it is because of both partners or there may be no cause at all. Even with the statistics, infertility is almost always squarely placed on the woman's shoulders and solely becomes her burden to bear if she can't become pregnant and this is especially true in the African culture. While some women are fortunate to have supportive partners and family, many are not blessed to have that. It becomes so stressful and unbearable for the woman as she is looked upon as barren and sometimes even labelled as being promiscuous ( possibly when in her 20s) which is probably the reason she can't conceive. It is not now uncommon for men and their families to insist that their prospective wives become pregnant before marriage as a means to prove and be sure such women are able to bear children and are not infertile. Marriages these days seem too be based on a woman's ability to have children and not on love, companionship or the desire for a long term loving relationship anymore and so infidelity then becomes "excuseable" or even "permissible" for the men who fail to support their partners through this emotional time.
Men have been known to g ahead and have children outside their homes or even marry a 2nd wife who is most likely younger, to bear them heirs. As women we know that the older we get, the more difficult it becomes to get pregnant naturally but there are many factors that could contribute to a woman being unable to conceive; some of which include problems with ovulation, blocked fallopian tubes, uterine conditions, endometriosis among others. Having to deal with the emotional stress of possible infertility and then the resulting infidelity within your relationship is simply unfair and men need to be more sensitive towards their partners at this time. Unecessary added external pressure is not the answer and is often the reason why some women are happy to have children before getting a committment or even look outside their marriages to please their partners (who now may or may not still be unfaithful). I have personally had some experience with this topic and maybe I'll share it someday when I'm more comfortable talking about it.
This post is not to suggest that infidelity applies to men alone because of infertility beacuse we all know that simply isn't true. Whether the problem is with the woman or the man, partners should not have to worry about the threat of infidelity within their relationship or marriage. It is an issue that should be handled delicately and without 3rd party influences of any sort other than that of a medical expert.
If infertility is something you are currently facing or have had experience with, what advise could you give to any man, woman or couple who may be in the same situation to help them deal with it successfully by not having it threaten the security of their relationship via infidelity? Please share.
Thanks for being here and till my next post,