WHEN THE FRIENDSHIPS OF YOUR 20S DON'T MAKE IT TO YOUR 30S
Who can forget the popular sitcom Girlfriends with Tracie Ellis Ross and her band of friends, navigating the waters of life, all trying to figure it out in their relationships, careers and personal struggles while all supporting one another through them all. It was definitely one of my favourite shows of the early 2000s and often made me look at the girlfriends (even guy friends) I had in my own life and try to figure out who were my squad of sisters, LOL.
Friends are a natural part of all our lives and just like romantic partners, friends are there to listen to us, support us, encourage us and offer a kind of connection that sometimes outlast even our relationships. In our 20s and maybe even our late teens, friends become such an important part of who we are because they are the people we talk to every day, spend majority of our time with, the ones who are there when boyfriends break our hearts and who we go to all the parties and clubs with. However, not all of these friendships turn out to be healthy for us and should be cut off completely by the time we hit our 30s.
As a 30 something year old woman who spent all of her 20s and some of her 30s in Nigeria, I had different groups/categories of friends; the ones I grew up with, the ones I went to high school and University with, the ones who I worked with at all the different jobs I've had over the years and the ones who happened to make it into my life along the way. Not all of these friendships however made it to my 30s with me, many of them died a natural death, others withdrew themselves and I cut myself off from most. Priorities change in your 30s and you would hope that your friends would be on the same path as you, if not even on a better or more advanced one. For the friends I cut off, a lot of them were just on different journeys than mine and had somehow shed the qualities that brought us together as friends in the first place. Those who withdrew did so largely because they got married and started families, travelled out of the country and failed to keep in touch and others simply felt the need to remove themselves for reasons best known to them. Only a handful of friends from my 20s made it into my 30s and these are friendships that have stood the test of time for me. We may not see or talk to each other every day but I know that I can always count on these friends when I need them and vice versa.
I'm not the type of person who cares so much about friendships ending anymore because I have come to believe that people come into your life for a reason and stay either for a season or a lifetime. Some friends who you were once close with and disappeared from your life suddenly re-surface and you can instantly tell that the connection is no longer there or not as strong as it once was and if you find that to be the case as I have, my advice is 'don't sweat it'. People change and grow apart every day and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you are able to re-connect and get your groove back, that's wonderful but if that doesn't happen, don't feel a ways about it because that's just the way life goes sometimes.
In my own personal experience, I've even found that 1 or 2 ex-boyfriends from my 20s have become good friends in my 30s while some girlfriends from my 20s I no longer have a relationship with and this is all to say that friends come and go but who is to say that your friends today will still be your friends in your 40s. There are some friends you have that you consider your friendships with to be important and meaningful only to find that those same friends don't feel that way about their friendship with you. It can hurt when you realize the truth but my personal reaction to that would be to keep it pushing and leave that friendship in the past. There are so many other things and people you could be investing your time and energy in rather than focusing on a friendship that was not as special as you once thought.
Our 30s are for accomplishing goals; both personally and professionally. They are for personal growth and development, for re-discovering our worth, significance and all that we bring to the table of the world. 30s are for figuring out who and what is important to us and staying true to them, protecting our happiness and recognizing how to applaud ourselves and the friends who are also just trying to figure it all out like we are. When my brother died, these friends in the pictures above along with a few others were the ones who were there for me in more ways than one and who continue to be there for me through all that I have gone through. I am taking the opportunity to thank you guys and let you know just how much the bond of friendship we have formed through the years means to me...Patrick, Kayode, Obi, Tunde, Tope Fash,Tracy...I am blessed to call you guys family..
Appreciate the good friends you have, who are there through the good and bad times and who support you through any and every thing. These are the ones to keep in your life.
Thanks for stopping by fam.