HOW TO HANDLE INSECURITIES IN YOUR 30S
INSECURITIES!! We all have them! but if you are anything like me, you absolutely detest that you do. I have somewhat of a Type A personality and so I very much am the type that likes to be in control of my surroundings, circumstances and emotions; when I'm not, I get irritable and frustrated. For many years, it felt like I was not in control of my life and especially growing up in an African household where your life isn't really your own until you are married and living on your own, it made things particularly maddening for me. When I started working, it began to feel like I had some semblance of control but then not too long ago, life took another sudden and unexpected turn for me, sending my world as I knew it spiralling yet again out of my control. Once again, I found myself in familiar territory but dealing with a host of insecurities that were unfamiliar and unwanted in my 30s.
For many of us at this age, insecurities become more of an annoyance and an inconvenience than anything else really as I have found that to be the case for me. Being the more quiet mix of melancholy and phlegmatic personality types that I am, dealing with these insecurities have become a fierce battle operating in my mind and spirit that manifest themselves through many moments of depression and emotional stress. It begs the question then, why are we still saddled with insecurities at this age and the answer simply is because we are still only human after all. You may argue that some of the insecurities we experience are borne from our own bad choices (again, true in my case) but then that's what humans do - make mistakes....plenty of them....and often the consequence is having to face any insecurities that arise from those poor choices.
If you find that your insecurities have been shaped by your own bad decision making, the first thing to do is recognize and accept this truth. Secondly, forgive yourself (which is often easier said than done) for all of your mistakes and do not entertain any forms of comparison with your friends or peers. Consciously practice self evaluation and self approval and then finally, be at peace with the fact that your life is on a separate journey from everyone else's; even your own family members have different life paths so embrace your journey and be open to wherever it leads you. It won't be an easy thing to do and you will struggle from time to time but if you want to learn to manage your insecurities successfully, you have to make a conscious effort and be deliberate about doing better for yourself.
Refuse to allow yourself get sucked into the social media culture of wanting approval with "likes" and "retweets"; learn how to become okay with yourself and understand what your signals and triggers are which could be anything from reliving past criticism, having a negative self image when you don't receive that social media approval etc.
Starting this blog for me opened up a spring of insecurities that I never thought I could have like wanting people to like or even care about what I was writing about, wondering if I was even a good enough writer to feeling almost embarrassed and less than because I can't at the moment afford to buy a camera that will give me the kind of picture quality I want. These insecurities held me back for years and it has taken this long to finally realize that it is okay to start exactly where I am, with exactly what I've got, writing the exact way I do about the exact things I want to write about and not compare myself or my blog with anyone else's out there. It has become a much needed outlet for me to deal with all of the things I am currently facing. I find myself excited to blog content and anxiously wait for the days that I put up posts. Maybe this blog will bring me success; whether it be monetary or simply allow me have victories over my personal struggles and internal battles, and I will be happy and thankful for either.
If you suffer from insecurities in your relationships or friendships, with your job or career or with personal battles, first know that you are not alone and that you can certainly overcome them. Believe in yourself enough to trust that you can win all of your battles and you will, even if winning just means that you have a more positive image of yourself and that you love and accept you just the way you are.
Insecurities are normal but they do not have to be the norm for anyone of us. Do not allow them harbour any form of negativity within because it is true after all that, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. We are all just trying to figure it out as we go so do not be deceived by anyone's highlight reel of a seemingly perfect life...NOBODY'S LIFE IS PERFECT and that has never been more apparent than today where we see our beloved celebs committing suicide (most recently Kate Spade) because their insecurities and personal battles led to a depression that convinced them that life was no longer worth living. Help is available if you don't think you can do it on your own, please take advantage of it and choose life.
Thanks for being here today and see you Saturday.