Thursday, August 9, 2018


Recently I was having this conversation with 2 of my girlfriends back home at separate times about guys today versus guys of the early to late 90s/2000 and they both seemed to share the same opinion that men of the former decade were far better, more serious minded, much more confident and respectful of women than men of today. As we women tend to do when we're catching up with our girlfriends, we began talking about "potential boos" and who was looking like "husband material" (LOL) but neither of them was impressed with the calibre of men that were coming their way. Men these days almost feel as though women should be thankful for any attention they pay us and that we as women should make it easy for them to date us because all over the world, women have been made to believe since forever that we are "incomplete" without a man or that marriage is what we all should aspire to (don't get me started about my thoughts on this though so feel free to insert the eye rolling emoji here).

The first girlfriend I chatted with told of her recent ex who by all accounts was clearly intimidated by her success and independence as a career woman and rather than look at her as a partner and an asset, he preferred to put her down, bring up her humble childhood beginnings and somehow came to the conclusion that she was nothng but a money hungry female who pushed him away due to what he believed was her constant desire to acquire more money through him. The second girlfriend had become irritated (and rightly so) by her would-be boo who kept doing what men of today do to women- ghosting in and out of her life whenever he felt like it without so much as an apology but instead with weak explanations and reasons for his constant disappearing act. He had started out showing promise but the moment he became aware of her mom's illness and sadly, eventual passing, his visits got fewer, phone calls became virtaully non-existent and naturally this was disappointing because she had hoped he would be the emotional support system she needed at the time. Both of my girlfriends are career women who have been financially independent for as long as I have known them and who can afford to treat themselves to little luxuries now and again. All they needed from these men was that emotional support and companionship that we all just simply ask but never seem to be able to receive from the men of today. It got us reminiscing about ex-boyfriends from the 90s who relentlessly and boldly pursued us and did any and everything just to date us. We recalled how excited we would be for birthdays, valentines day, anniversaries and christmas because we were sure they would show up on those days with gifts in hand and a plan for the day. They took the time to get to know our friends and family and whenever we needed them, they were there without fail. If we had a fight, everything would be done to resolve issues and in the event that we were proving stubborn, they would show up at our door the next morning and would not leave till we squashed the beef. Such were the characteristics of the 90s men that make the men of today pale in comparison.

Unlike men of the 90s, men of the 2000s only appear to be after one thing and that is how to get between your legs which they make known directly and indirectly. If you even think about playing hard to get as a woman, they swiftly move on without so much as a momentary glance back to the next female in waiting. Sometimes, I can't blame these men too  much because some women have ruined it really for others with the way they carry on but still it does not excuse how they string multiple ladies along and in this day of "side chic glorification", main chics and potential girlfriends are shown very little to no respect. Today's culture where sliding into DMs, Facebook dating and Smartphone loving are the new forms of getting a woman's attention, a lot of guys simply just do not see the need to make much of an effort anymore to properly woo a woman. Proper communication has been traded in for requests for "nudes", clicking the "like" button on twerking bottoms and comparing notes on which girls have the best bedroom performance skills. I find it all quite nauseating and often feel sorry for my gender that this is what we are being forced to contend with (and choose from) with the men today.

More and more women are learning that men, marriage and relationships are not the end all and be all of a woman's life. We are becoming more financially liberated and independent, empowering and supporting one another and living our best lives by ourselves. We are not as tolerant anymore to comments that seek to place us back in the age old box of "wife" (irrespective of who makes them) to just ANY man but instead prefer and choose to live life fearlessly and unapologetically on our own terms. If the #metoo and #timesup movements taught us anything, it is that we as women will and should no longer accept, tolerate or encourage any ill treatment, disrespect or abuse meted out to us by men. If the men of today refuse to step up, then they can step aside because the usual negative stereotypes like angry black woman, thirsty females or any of such other nonsense no longer mean anything.

I like to think there are still a few good men left who take the time to get to know a woman, call to talk to her instead of text, who schedules time together and actually shows up to the date. Men who don't play mind games and don't leave a woman guessing if she means anything to you or wondering who else you are talking to. These are the ones we are waiting to find regardless of where, through who or how we do and when it happens, you will find a good strong woman ready to complement, grow with and build a life with you.

If this post turned into a rant or appeared to be disguised as man bashing, my sincere apologies because it was not the intention. This post was simply to highlight just how far away men of today have strayed from the values and chivalry of their 90s counterparts. It was the qualities listed above that endeared you to the opposite sex and what made being in relationships with you so fulfilling so can we just get back to that please?

Thanks for reading guys and what are your thoughts? Have the men of today morphed into something we no longer recognize and if so, why do you think that is? Let's chat shall we?

The weekend calls.

Love Always

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