Thursday, March 7, 2019


Your 20s are probably the most exciting and explorative time in your life where you figure out who you are, what you are about and the kinds of people you want in your immediate circle. My 20s were certainly a fun time in my life because I pretty much did almost everything that was expected during that decade and one of the those things was having what I called 'the splaccavelli experience'.

There used to be a song either titled that or had lyrics that included it and while I do not now remember who sang it or how the song goes, to me, a splaccavelli signified whatever guy was in my life at the moment. I dated regularly and often, sometimes even talking to more than one guy at a time and this allowed me decipher  what my 'type' was and whether that 'type' was good for me.

A splaccavelli for me was someone who was not exactly a boyfriend but then was slightly more than just a! and because of these relationships, I learned communication skills, developed inter-personal skills, how to control/navigate emotions and managing expectations. These days, a female who has a splaccavelli might be labelled promiscuous but it is pertinent to note that sex is not always necessarily involved (at least it wasn't in my case); this is not a 'friend with benefits' type of scenario. Usually, the guy would 'understand' what his position was and what was expected which would include:

  • the occasional check up to see how I was doing
  • occasional outings together with or without friends but rarely with family
  • having zero expectations about things becoming more than they are and;
  • in the event that an actual boyfriend/girlfriend comes into the picture, there are no issues

Does any of this sound weird to you? Please let me know in the comments. I'm not here telling anyone to go around sleeping with a bunch of guys because that is certainly not what I did, believe or advocate. Your 20s should be all about discovering yourself as a man or woman so that by the time your 30s roll around, you are a self-assured, confident and grown adult at least where the opposite sex is concerned. Is that to say you will not run into some bad relationships in your older years? No. It simply means that by then you have honed in on what is right and wrong for you in a partner.

The Spaccavelli Experience is not even one we always plan to have. A lot of the time, you just find that multiple people are interested in getting to know you. It is an opportunity for you to find out what personality traits you look for in a partner but even more important than that, you learn about yourself and understand the kind of partner you want to be to someone. If love happens to develop between you, then even more beautiful.

Ever heard of the splaccavelli experience before? Maybe you described it as something else in your 20s. Let me know in the comments.

Always Love💘

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