Thursday, October 24, 2019


I'm dating someone new and he's already noticed that I have a tendency to want to control everything. He's right! I'm exactly like that. Sometimes I do it unintentionally, other times I'm keenly aware that its happening.

But why do I do it though? Why do I feel the need to control everything in my relationship? Is my need for control relegated to just my relationship or all aspects of my life?

I feel like God continually puts me in situations where He knows my crave for control will be tested to teach me life lessons like trust and letting go. But is there a subtle art to losing your control? And how do I relinquish that control entirely to avoid its possible negative repercussions in other areas of my life?

One of the ways I'm being intentional about losing my control is by accepting my partner the way he is. See my post on Making Dating Easier Again where I talked about this in a bit more detail. If I want this relationship to go the long haul, I need to accept my partner with all his unique quirks and flaws, loosen up on my need to control him and the way our relationship goes. Another thing I'm doing is having to tone down my expectations of him. This one has been a bit more difficult I will admit for obvious reasons but I'm making a conscious effort to work on it.

Being controlling will only end up doing the opposite of what you intend, which is to push people away rather than pull them closer. The subtle art of losing your control means you have to relinquish preconceived notions about how a situation, an event or a relationship should go.

Thinking that by being in control of events will bring you happiness is a false conclusion, rather the opposite is true. Losing control can and will often make you happier in the sense that the drive to control can actually make you miserable. It creates conflicts with others because nobody likes to feel like they are under someone else's control. Furthermore, losing your control frees you from disappointment when things do not go as planned or expected. In this situation, it will serve you better to appreciate 'uncertainty' rather than avoid it.

Trying to manipulate life or situations will only leave you feeling burned out. Life is in a constant state of motion, always moving and changing so I'm learning to allow things flow naturally. I remind myself that things are unfolding as they should and were intended to even if they do not look that way in the moment.

Sometimes I think I'm a walking contradiction in the sense that I worry about nothing and yet about everything. Nothing ever feels that serious to me but then everything does. I know its confusing and I may possibly the only one I know who is like this but it has now become very necessary for me to find, connect to and protect my inner peace. For someone like me, my 'control' resembles 'crazy' and if I've learned anything, it is that I am the only person I can successfully control.

Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that losing control rather than wanting to be in control is ultimately better for me and I implore you to look within yourselves because therein lies the only place where you find the subtle art of losing yours.

What are your thoughts on control? Please share in the comments section.

Always Love 💕 


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