IBOGIRLLIVING

 

Some of us have the presence of mind to know when we are being taken through a wilderness season in our lives and act accordingly. The majority of us however, myself included, are not aware that God is leading us through a time of pruning and preparation. So rather than buckle down and learn what the Lord is trying teach us so we can move to our next season, we inadvertently prolong our stay like the children of Israel with our complaining, grumbling and murmuring.

The children of Israel complained and moaned so much that they allowed what should have otherwise been an 11 day excursion become a 40 year sojourn through the wilderness.

All of us will undoubtedly go through wilderness journeys of our own in some shape or form and no matter what that looks like for you, the story of the Israelites ought to be a cautionary tale for us not to extend this time of seeming lack and separation. This season is a hard but necessary one for all of us and it is easy to see why many of us may start to complain and have a poor attitude rather than trust that God is trying to prepare, equip and teach us things we need for when He turns things around.

I am currently going through my own wilderness season that I in my ignorance and immaturity have caused God to prolong because I was stubborn, impatient, lacking the right attitude and trying to run ahead of God. I do not know by how many years I have caused this season to be extended but I have been here for nearly 6 years now. For all I know, this very well could have been a 1 or 2 year training period but because I would not surrender my own selfish wants for what God has been attempting to teach me, I'm still here. However, the good news for me is that I am now aware of this season I'm in and am handling things correctly. Before I continue, let's go back a little to see how and why I think God brought me here.

It all began after my marriage of less than 1 year ended and I had to walk away from my ex husband, the home I had been building and the life I knew to come to America to start all over again. AT 36 YEARS OF AGE. I was back living with family, with no friends and zero income. I was so angry - at him, myself and the entire situation! I tried to meet people organically when I got here without much luck and so I tried online dating on the advice of a girlfriend. I talked with a lot of guys and dated one seriously that ended in a proposal which I eventually had to call off because of red flags I saw. I became like the children of Israel, believing the lies that my old life was better than this. At least I had my own home, my own way of doing things and my friends were there but quickly forgetting that back there was also where I was married to a toxic partner who made me unhappy, emotionally abandoned me and infected me with an STI. It was just like the Israelites who started to complain against Moses & Aaron that their old lives in Egypt was way better than their wilderness experience simply because they were not getting what they wanted from God, the way they wanted it. (See Exodus 16:2-3)

The more I complained and tried to do things my own way, the more it felt like I was going round in circles. I finally reached a breaking point and decided to trust God. It would be 1 year after surrendering that I would finally realize that I had been in my wilderness season this whole time and that God was trying to get me to see that so He could finally begin the work in me that I so desperately needed for Him to do. Little by little, I saw the resources He made available for me to grow, His voice started becoming more familiar and clear, my attitude started changing, my prayers became more honest and on and on. How I'm handling my wilderness season now is by being completely transparent with God about how I feel on this journey daily. When I feel frustrated and tired of still being in this same spot, that's exactly what I communicate to God. I'm buying books rather than clothes, watching more sermons rather than my favorite influencers and listening to more worship music rather than Kanye's latest tracks. I could not have gotten here on my own by any stretch of the imagination because I much rather prefer  to buy new clothes, watch my favorite YouTube influencers and vibe to today's latest hits (when I can understand what they're saying to be honest). But because I have a better understanding of why I'm here, I let the Holy Spirit transform me and it's a transformation that I welcome now.