IBOGIRLLIVING

I think I've struggled with this one insecurity the most at different levels throughout my life. From my teenage years, comparing how I looked to other girls because of my skin imperfections all the way to adulthood.

For the most part I pride myself on being a pretty confident person. I own who I am without apologies to anyone but deep down on the inside has always been a little girl who struggled with the demon of comparison. If I had to pinpoint an exact moment when I think this insecurity began taking root, I would say Secondary School aka High School for my International readers. My dad had fallen on some hard times financially which began to impact my self esteem in ways I did not realize at the time. I attended what some may refer to as upper class private schools and it was when I was almost at the end of my final year that the hard times came. Thankfully, I was able to graduate without "incident" (because there almost was one) and went on to University.

Fast forward to after graduating with a degree in English Language, it came time to join the work force which is where my insecurity with comparison got to its peak. I struggled to secure the kind of jobs I wanted which were the jobs all my friends had: bank jobs, oil company jobs and the like that gave the sort of look/image I wanted to have. For a long time I struggled with being depressed because while my friends were working and becoming financially independent, I stayed stuck in unemployment.

Many of them had learned to drive and gotten cars, others had drivers. Some were moving out of the family home to their own apartments, able to go on trips abroad with friends and invest in stocks/property. My insecurity grew bigger until I was now suffering from full blown depression but masking it under the guise of fake confidence. Eventually I did get a good job and started acquiring some of these things I wanted and so I thought my insecurity would finally go away. 

One thing I stay grateful for through those moments when I was overwhelmed is that I was never driven to resentment or jealousy of any of my friends. I've been so blessed with my tribe of girl and guy friends because whenever one of us struggled, the others would always dive in to help and cover any weaknesses with their own strengths and resources. But now that almost everyone is married and raising families, Christ has stepped in to fill the spaces where comparison strived to rear its ugly head again after my divorce and relocation. I thought I would never have to deal with Comparison ever again and was annoyed that I had to when my marriage ended. I denied the truth but the Holy Spirit helped me realize that God could not heal what I would not reveal and surrender to Him. But even though I did not specifically ask God to deliver me from this, my pursuit of Him allowed Him space to come into all the dark places of my heart and heal them with His love and light.

These days, my biggest insecurity has become a thing of the past because I look only to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. My life and journey are in His hands so wherever I am in my life today or tomorrow, I welcome it with an attitude of thanksgiving and a desire to learn whatever lessons there may be. I implore you to do the same if you struggle with the same insecurity. The world has gotten so alluring with money and flashy things and the temptations are greater than they've ever been. Without being rooted in the One who gives power to get wealth, the chances are high that we will fall for the counterfeit options the world gives and the enemy's lies that we are missing out if we are not participants in its ways. Stay prayed up, seek Christ in all you do and He will always show up on your behalf!

💓💓

Ibogirl