Thursday, March 10, 2022



Christmas of 2021 was the first year since reuniting with my family in the U.S that I spent the holidays completely alone. This of course was not my choice or preference but I knew it was a time God wanted me to be set apart in order to experience Him in ways I know I could not have if I was in the midst of all the holiday distractions.

This could not be God I argued because how would He tell me not to be with my family during the most wonderful time of the year? This was one of those times I thought I hadn't heard God correctly but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this wasn't God, I knew it was. One of the ways the Holy Spirit has been able to help me tell when God is speaking to me is when I know that whatever I'm hearing is something I would never come up with on my own and this was one of those times.

So, while all of my family celebrated Christmas and New Year together, I was set apart from them so I could experience Him. I took this time to let God into my most guarded places; places I did not want to expose to Him prior to now. It was here I began learning how to be vulnerable with God and tell Him why I felt afraid to pray, why I felt undeserving of His love and grace. As I began to open up to God, the amazing thing I found is that He began to open up to me. I felt afraid to pray because I thought I had to use certain type of verbage before He would hear or answer me, I thought I needed to pray like pastors or I would get no answers. I felt undeserving of His love because I was convinced that my sins were unforgiveable. But what I slowly began to learn is that God's nature itself is LOVE. 1 John 4: 7-21 talks about God and how He is love. V19 specifically says "we love because He first loved us" and toward me specifically He was confirming that love for me in ways He knew I needed. 

In my dreams, He confirmed His love. In His word, He confirmed His love and from the mouth of others, He confirmed His love for me over and over until I believed it. It was becoming clear that the only thing God wanted from me was a love relationship with Him so I could express this very love I felt undeserving of to others who feel the same way. God wanted me to trust Him more than I did and become familiar with His love and voice when He spoke because He was going to start speaking to me a lot. One thing of the first things He said  to me was that "people are always looking to others for answers rather than look to Him". "People want others to seek God for them or to talk to Him on their behalf because they feel the way I used to; unworthy to talk to the One who created us in His very image". We all become comfortable with not wanting to find/experience God for ourselves, unwilling or reluctant to do the work and expecting that we have to work to earn His love. See 1 Chronicles 28: 9 and 2 Chronicles 15: 2 because these were the scriptures God gave me that convinced me that I could seek Him on my own and so can you. It's all any of us have to do to find God! (see Galatians 2: 16 and 20-21).

When I knew I was going to be set apart like this, my initial reaction was fear which proceeded to arguing with God. Much like Moses argued over and over when God told Him to go back to Egypt and tell Pharoah to let His people go. He came up with every reason why God should consider sending another in his place but God had chosen Him and was going to equip him with what he needed (the wisdom and courage) to stand before the Pharoah. When God calls you to set you apart, it is so you can experience Him. It will often take some sacrifice on your part as was my case because to be set apart means to sacrifice or forgo one thing for something more worthwhile. The food, the treats and presents would have been nice to have for the Christmas holidays but this experience was by far better.

Nothing can separate us from God's love. Seek Him diligently and you will find Him. Surrender anything and everything you think is keeping you from Him and you will experience His loving presence in ways that are specific to you and your circumstance. God is crazy about you and I. I came to believe it in this time alone with Him so when next you feel God calling you to spend some time with Him, obey!



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